Present Over Perfect – Day 9

Today’s reading starts on page 52, On Disappointing People.

And hopefully you’ll not be disappointed in me since I have no video today, haha!

Truthfully, I’m laying here in bed well after midnight writing this post. You don’t want to see me on video because it wouldn’t be pretty. At all.

I’m not going to spend a lot of time trying to give the perfect words. All I’m going to say is that I really struggled today with this whole disappointing people thing.

I got a message from someone in our church and I instantly knew something was wrong. I don’t need to go into all the details, but it was the kind of message you get and your heart sinks immediately.

What did I do wrong? Did I make them mad? Did I say something I shouldn’t have said? Maybe I’m not cut out to be a leader in our church? Maybe it’s time for me to step down.

Yes.

Craziness, y’all.

I spent the entire afternoon replaying the situation in my head. I had responded to my friend but of course there was radio silence. This made it even worse.

They must be mad since they aren’t responding. If they weren’t mad they would have come right back with an answer. WHAT did I do???

Brian called me out. It didn’t matter. I was too busy justifying my reactions.

At the end of the day, I remembered the words from our book – along the way you WILL disappoint someone.

It’s inevitable.

So, what happens when we do disappoint?

Today caused me to pause and take a look at my actions. This is truly a person I don’t want to disappoint who means a lot to me in my life. Once I let the dust settle from my gut reactions, I had to ask myself some tough questions. Where are they coming from with their perspective or observation? Are there things I’ve been ignoring or taking for granted?

God, what can you teach me from this situation?

Sometimes I think God uses days like today to humble me and let me know I can’t do it all. I can’t make everyone happy, I can’t be in control.

And mostly – I can’t do it without Him.

How about you? What are you struggling with when it comes to disappointing people?

~Starr

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8 thoughts on “Present Over Perfect – Day 9

  1. Starr, first you are doing an amazing job and I thank you for the time it takes to do this. Second, this book is wrote for me. I struggle with stuff, saying no, people pleasing, worries, and time. I hate when I feel like I’ve let someone down. And the guilt that keeps haunting well after the situation. The devil really knows how to keep bringing up things but I’m so thankful for a God that loves me even when I make mistakes!

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    1. Thank you so much for reading along with us, Lisa! I’m so glad you’re doing this study. This book was written for so many of us. The devil has had a hold for long enough. Time for all of us to recognize his schemes and learn how to lead a different life. Yes!!!!!

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  2. So very sorry today was not excellent. I am praying the problem between you and your friend is already repaired. We do disappoint people sometimes but we are not perfect. God has this and He also has you! I know your church would have a huge hole is you chose to stop your ministry. Take a deep breath. Today God’s mercies are brand new again. Love you and am praying for the situation.

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    1. Thank you, Maggie! God already worked in the situation. Brian talked me down from that ledge of thinking I’m not cut out for this. Ha. Some days are discouraging. But God sends us exactly what we need. And I do believe there was purpose for me to stop and think about my actions as a leader and how people perceive what I say and do. It was not in vain!! Thank you for your prayers and for reading with us!

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  3. Growing up, my parents didn’t have to punish me much because if I didn’t get that A or if I didn’t do something great or “perfect”, I would spend hours and days beating myself up on the inside. I would ask myself why I failed, why I wasn’t good enough, why God even created me since I was obviously a failure. I would isolate myself as only one was invited to the pitty party – me.

    Diaspointing myself hurts because the devil gets to me making me think I am not good enough and that I am not worthy. I always tell myself that I can handle it though, but that disappointing others is something I never want to do.

    This chapter felt like I was writing it. Those words are my words. I have been and am in her shoes. You know that saying – what you do for a living you don’t do at home. Well, part of my job is time management. I have to pick out the key parts of the project so I know where to spend most of my attention on, where to put the best part of me forward as the other parts are just going to get my leftovers. Well, I am not doing this in my life. I try to be that people pleaser. I don’t know why what other people think about me matters, but it does. I am the one to jump on a huge project to help someone that I barely know just as I would a very close friend. Then, I get burned when I find out how little that not so close person thinks of our “friendship” as it is more of just a work relationship to that person. So, I have my buckets or circle backwards. It is more like a line with everything equal so I am stretched thin with trying to figure out where to apoly my time and effort.

    I have never been good with thinking on my feet. I prefer to analyze things and data looking for trends and to have time to gather all the facts before I reach my conclusion, which will be nicely supported with documentation / reports to show a third party reader how I reached my conclusion.

    This is funny because in my life, I have no time left but to think on my feet. No wonder I am so lost and off track. Another part of my problem is when I do something, I tend to go overboard. I have never been good with the feeling of just meeting minimum expectations. I don’t know who I am trying to please, but it isn’t God. God has already said that we are good enough for Him to send His only son to die on the cross for us. So, whom am I to belittle God’s creation? I am my biggest bully.

    Starr, I honestly can never see how someone could get mad at you for anything. You are one of the most kind, thoughtful, generous, and loving person I know. Sometimes we may make the situation seem worse than what truly is there because the the devil is the king of chaos. I pray that whatever this is will make amends and be healed. You should never question the church. Even if one person says that they don’t like you (which would be said out of envy and jealousy), the devil will want you to give up and not feel good enough, but God would want you to keep going and to keep being the light for people to see.

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    1. Pam, I’m so thankful you are here. Thank you for encouraging me tonight. And Brian might not agree with that whole part about no one ever getting mad at me. Hahahah!!
      And you’re so much like many of my friends. The processor. The analyzer. I’m the total chaos to balance you people out and drive your bananas!!! Lol. I’m the one that beats myself up too. Sometimes I have to ask God to shut my mind off because it’s wearing me out. Amen?

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  4. Growing up, one of the most devastating things for me was to disappoint my daddy. Then when I was all grown up, he disappointed me in the most hurtful way by leaving my mom. I learned the hard way that none of us are perfect. We will disappoint others and others will let us down. What I do most often now is that I don’t expect a lot from others and then I’m pleasantly surprised when they exceed the low expectations I set. I choose not to wallow in misery, I pull my boot straps up and wade into the next adventure in this wonderful life. Starr, don’t let people steal your joy. God is using you in a very powerful way. If others are critical then I would say there is something else underlying that is causing them to be critical. We all have bad days, we say hurtful things to the we love the most. The author talks about the inner circle that should be most important to us. I also find that at times these same lived ones get the brunt if our bad days because we know that they still love us, no matter what. As I’ve grown older, I really have tried to treat my family with more patience and kindness than I would give a friend, remembering that friends will come and go but family is for keeps. When I put my head down at night, I want to feel that I did my best to show my most precious family members that they are important to me. As I said, others will come and go from our lives. Invest your best in God and family. You will have no regrets.

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