Present Over Perfect – Day 6

WHEW, y’all. Some people haven’t received any messages for the study, some received a few, some received everything but today. Geeezzz I love technology πŸ™‚

I have contacted my email/text distribution company and they have updated my server, whatever that means. I apologize for any confusion and thank you for you patience!! Meanwhile, check your spam/junk folders and let me know if you’re not getting anything.


Day 6 starts on page 39, Dethroning the Idol.

That quote on the first line GOT me, y’all.

“Busyness is an illness of the spirit.” – Eugene Peterson

 

Do you leave the impression of busyness with others? How does that make you feel? Do you want to change? Comment below and share with us!

~Starr

>Present Over Perfect Book Club Schedule <

5 thoughts on “Present Over Perfect – Day 6

  1. Someone is ready for Christmas!!! I love Frosty, but I had forgotten about that part of the movie until you mentioned it. πŸ™‚ That is so true. The funny thing for me is that I am busy, but I am not busy with important things in life like I should be.

    For example, you need a tire change. Well, the first guy is friendy and can change the tire, but he is new and has to read the instructions to make sure he changes it correctly. The second guy just focuses on getting the job done, meaning, he isn’t up for speaking, but he can change the tire without hospitality. The third guy truly wants to know how your day is going and notices that the tire is dirty, so he adds a quick wash and then changes the tire. Which guy (and no, i am not saying a girl couldnt change a tire) would you pick? Well, I am like the third guy. At work, we are always told to be fast, get the job done, don’t scope creep, be action oriented., and climb that ladder. See, for me, telling me to be action oriented is like telling me to be someone else since I am detailed oriented. When I work, I want to make sure there is quality. Yes, I may take longer on a job than an action oriented person would and I may scope creep, but find a possible enhancement to a process for the business partners to consider. However, when I am done with a review, I can speak to that process with confidence. Then after getting pushed for time, I get praise in the end for the findings that I wouldn’t have found if I did it their way or for the business partners truly thinking me for my partnership.

    However, to keep up this type of integrity at work is beyond exhausting. They want me to just scratch the surface and check the box. They are paying me to do that. Even though my performance evaluations are always rated at above expectations, there is no returned investment. Those extra long hours are all for nothing as the pay is always the same. So, why do I have to be like that third guy at work, when I really could be like the second guy and just get the job done and let it be? Well, it’s because I don’t feel like it is good enough. Part of me feels like it dies when I try to hurry and check the box. This is because God wants us to try our best in everything that we do. Maybe I am trying too hard to be perfect though.

    At work, I am that yes person. I get the job done, usually past the preferred deliverable timeframe, but I get it done and with quality. I go out of my way to help new team members feel welcomed and like they have the tools to succeed even though that means me having to work longer hours to make up the time. No, I am not a saint. I just like helping people. I enjoy the connections. This very thing is unchecked at work thus causing myself to feel like a failure in getting behind in work. As soon as I am done, there is always something else to do. I’ve even been asked to take on two more roles than my other team members, but was told that the extra work is not at the expense of the reviews. What is that? You think I am so great that you want me to take on high visibility projects, but this is in addition to my normal job requirements??? I immediately said that cannot happen and is not realistic. I am tired of being setup for failures. I have somehow found myself getting sick thinking about going to work. It isn’t where I want to be right now…trying to live up to unrealistic expectations. I don’t want to be seen as someone that does not work well with others if I say I just don’t have time to walk you through how to do this. I can find busy work at work too. My old boss literally wrote in my performance review that I should be careful not to burn myself out. Back then, I didn’t realize what he was trying to tell me. I took that as almost an insult and told myself that I wouldn’t let that happen. See, I was running circles around him and the team. I left that team because the team didn’t have that drive like I was use to on other teams. Looking back now, I realized he somehow got me even when I didn’t know myself. He saw that I would get burnt out; he could see my flame fading away inside. When I realized his words last week, I emailed him just to say thanks. I wish I would have realized his words sooner, but then again, if I didn’t leave, my hubby would never have been able to be a stay at home father.

    When I get home, I am busy cleaning or disappearing so I can drown in TV or my phone. I so desparately want 5 minutes for myself, but I waste it on drugs (i.e. tv, food, cleaning, etc.) when I should be spending it on devotional time and playing with my children or getting some air. In return, I never truly feel rested. Even in my showers, I get lost in my thoughts on what needs to be done, how I can solve a problem at work, that the shower needs to be cleaned, etc. I get so lost I forget if I shampooed my hair and I have to start all over. I feel like I need a pen in the shower so I can write down my thoughts. When I wake up in the middle of the night, my mind immediately makes me anxious with deadlines I am facing and then I cannot get back to sleep. Why on earth is it okay for management to put a fire drill out there just so I can stop what I am doing, complete the task they need (which I don’t agree with) and then wait to get to it in two weeks since they didn’t have time to review it yet??? Sorry, I am just beyond frustrated!! It probably has a lot to do with my hubby.

    It’s been almost two months since the pain started. I took Monday off of work just so I could call doctors. We have been waiting two weeks for a referral. Upon a second follow up, I got the info and called the referral place just to find out they couldn’t seem him until November. Luckily I didn’t take no for an answer and got a different referral and we got to see a doctor today. Once again, trying something new. I pray this works!! I couldn’t face work today either and my hubby wanted me to go to the doctors appointment, so I did. I am already feeling sick thinking about working tomorrow. Something is terribly wrong with this picture, with this feeling. I am supposed to have joy in everything that I do. The devil is truly king of “going out of my mind crazy.” Busyness is truly an illness of the soul for me since God is King of peace.

    Since God knew us before we were in the womb, maybe our soul feels restless looking for home as that home cannot be found in this world. However, instead of feeding what it needs – the Word of Christ, I am feeding it with busy tasks to try and drown that feeling of not being home. This is not the perception I want for myself — lonely, sad, depressed, lack of confidence girl who doesn’t have time to have fun or be with other people. Maybe this is why I get put on the un-invited list. Maybe I said no enough times that people just assume I don’t want to be part of the gathering. Sometimes I forget what it is like to truly laugh. That my friend is a loud message that I have everything backwards. In order to love others, I have to love myself. So, without loving myself, a unique creation of God, how can I possibly love Him? I definetly need to dethrone these fake idols to rebuild myself again.

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    1. So so so much here, friend. First of all, you and my mom need to go to lunch one of these days and let her share her experiences with work. She has been where you are for a LONG time and she can give you words of wisdom. I was there too. I finally gave it because I realized the ways of corporate America are so very backwards sometimes. I wanted more control of my days and my investments in time. I couldn’t get that in a job like I had. I’m praying for you and your family. I’m asking for answers and I’m asking God to reveal Himself through all this. You are not alone. I do the same thing in the shower. And while I’m driving. My mind doesn’t stop. I fake rest and I go to my social media drug too often. We will weather these changes together. I want to be that friend to remind you to laugh. And we need dinner at La Unica soon. We love you!!

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  2. I could say so much here… It may take a lunch date to walk through some of this. Yes, I wonder why I did what I did for so long… It really doesn’t make sense in hind sight but at the time I was doing the best I knew how. I don’t like letting people down and for too many years I thought I was making people happy and I found out that for the most part, where I thought people noticed and cared, they not only didn’t care but they truly did not notice when I stopped saying yes and trying to ” do my part”. I still do my part but I don’t try as often to make up for everyone else. It is impossible and you will die trying. I like being busy but it is easy to choose to do what I love instead of doing what I need to do. I hear a common thread here, our minds just don’t stop thinking about what needs to be done, what to do next, how to work it all in and how to have enough faith to trust and wait on God for what we don’t understand. There are so many things we will never understand. I remember when my mom was dying of cancer, fighting for over three years. I asked God to have His will and to give me the strength to accept and face whatever His will would be. I would not have chosen to lose my mom when she was only 59 years old but I do believe that God is in control. My goal now is to keep the faith, somehow figure out how to convince others that keeping the faith, committing to Christ, showing a dedication to His work is the ONLY way to make it in this tough and cruel world. Jesus is STILL the answer for the world today, above Him there’s no other, Jesus is The Way!

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