Today’s chapter felt like I was reading my very own words. I could relate so very closely with the emotion that Jen poured out.
Perhaps, this last paragraph rang with the most frightening familiarity:
The ascent is so ingrained in my thought patterns that it has been physically painful to experience reformation at the bottom. The compulsion to defend myself against misrepresentation nearly put me in the grave recently. I was tormented with chaotic inner dialogues, and there were days I was so plagued with protecting my rung that I couldn’t get out of bed. With every step lower, the stripping-away process was more excruciating. I had no idea how tightly I clung to reputation and approval or how selfishly I behaved to maintain it. Getting to the top requires someone else to be on the bottom; being right means someone else must be wrong. It is the nature of the beast. (Interrupted pg 73)
Yes. I have been there too many times. Defending my need to be right run deeps. Approval of those around me all too many times takes precedence.
Going out on faith and doing something new will not always be grand and glorious with angels singing your praises. Warning: It may be lonely and painful (SHOCKING!). What? You don’t run towards loneliness and stretching and refining???
Writing is that for me at this moment. I have known for some time that God was asking me to write – and I have never considered myself “a writer.” I’m in unfamiliar and uncharted territory. I can’t run fast and excel and make huge strides like I can in other areas of my career.
I’m learning to take the lowest place. I want to be released from the idols of greed, control and status.
2 Dear brothers and sisters,[a] when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. 3 For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4 So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. – James 1: 2-4 NLT
Do you struggle with these types of things as well? What are some ways that you have found to let go of control and be lowered instead of trying to always get to the top?
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